life

Okay I finally found my old blog transferring now

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I don’t really feel like going through my introduction quite yet. I apologize for that. I write in a stream of consciousness. I apologize for that also. My final disclaimer- as much as you hear me complain about medical school take it with a very large grain of salt in light of the fact that i am still here. Furthermore, medical school has nothing to do with being a doctor; i have been repeatedly reassured that the two are not similar. OKAY- onward—>
I decided to come write because I have a lot on my mind(ergo it’s 3:30AM and i’m sitting at a computer). I am two months from completing my third year of medical school. That’s the year that is rightly rumored to be the toughest. The only class I have left is Pediatrics- and oh yes- there’s the small matter of the Surgery final that i have to retake on the 19th of October. We did battle once before this test and I. Well, the test did battle- i did whatever you label the action where you curl up in the fetal position with your number two pencil and pray that it will be over soon.

I used to love tests. when i was younger they were my little reward for knowing my material. each test i took would pat me on the back and i would walk away smiling. this came to an abrupt end when i got to medical school. the answers no longer jumped out from the pool of multiple choices and i was no longer the first to pop out of my chair with a completed exam. i explain this to the first year students and they usually don’t understand until they have experienced it themselves. when one sits down in front of a medical school test with each turn of a page it becomes increasingly obvious that whoever wrote the test was peeking over your shoulder and at each point that you seemed to be confused -decided that would be the perfect question!

I am a different person from the one that confidently walked into the main hall and sat down for orientation three years and some months ago. i now finish my questions on an interrogative high note that betrays my uncertainty as to the accuracy of my “statement”. The attending Drs of course enjoy this and indulge in this opportunity to ask “Is that a statement or a question Doctor?”- they like to call you doctor when you look the least like one.

i also get impatient with suffering people now. this is something i would have never imagined that i would do. i was aspirating some fluid from an elderly lady’s knee joint and she was grimacing in pain (that’s what people do when you embed long foreign objects four to five inches into their joints) and i was getting really annoyed because i wanted to go to lunch and i had to finish first.

well, i don’t have any stories good enough to type out at durn near four AM but i have a lot of turning point experiences that i look forward to writing down so i can look back at them and laugh one day (hopefully this laugh won’t be a maniacal one from within a padded room while wearing a white jacket that zips in the back).

i feel better now- in med school you can’t whine to those around you because…well… wouldn’t you feel bad if you were the one that gave them the third person objective view of their miserable life that served as the straw that broke the camel’s back and pushed them over the edge? instead i bring my sunshine to you!!

I can be contacted at blayz215@yahoo.com

© 2004 diamondTearz.